The Continuing Adventures of Maiyah Olivas
Energy Therapies in Action! Drumming! Meditation!Client Question: Is It Wrong to Want Someone Out of My Life?
Is It Wrong to Want Someone Out of My Life?
One question that comes up frequently in sessions is “Am I a bad person for wanting so-and-so to just disappear from my life? They’re such a pain in the ***.”
Short answer: If you ask that they move to a better situation “for the highest good of all,” you’re actually a great person who’s helping them out! Long answer: People who are acting badly have unmet needs and bad communication skills. (In my opinion, almost every human being has an unmet need, AND those who also have good communication skills are finding ways to get those needs met in mutually fulfilling ways.
People who are acting badly would be well-served to improve their communication skills. I recommend The Five Love Languages and Non-Violent Communication, both available from Amazon.
Some examples from my Case Studies:
1) My client’s supervisor was unhappy with several things in life including her long commute. Unhealthy drinking behaviors had been observed in social situations. Verbal digs, pitting colleagues against each other and “power plays” were common.
So I included in this session transformative work for the most loving, positive, mutually beneficial resolution for all concerned. Two weeks later my client phoned to say the supervisor had found a great new job 10 minutes from her house and was very excited about it! She’s put “a great, productive, mutually beneficial relationship with new supervisor” on the list for her next session.
2) In my life (I consider my own life one big Case Study and draw on it often in my work!) someone was supervising me, and, despite my doing well in my position, they were not enjoying my talents. (I used to have a pattern of attracting insecurity, resentment, jealousy and competition from certain senior colleagues.)
I also had difficulty appreciating them, as I experienced their communication style as disdainful and condescending. Plus, in my perception, there were other tensions in the organization which were amplified by changes in this leader’s personal life.
I did a lot of work around this, which in my case involved surrendering my feelings about them into the series of transformative drum circles I was doing for young people. At the end of a series of drum circles, my supervisor announced that they was retiring to sail around a tropical sea with their boat-loving partner.
Everyone was happier!
So, as long as you’re asking for the next best thing for all concerned, you’re actually doing people a favor by saying:
“I give thanks that you and I are in the right and perfect new situations for each of us.”
Independence and Male Vulnerability
As we celebrate our Independence and the people who create our freedom, I’m reflecting on the freedom to be vulnerable as well as powerful. To fully explore the range of human emotion and experience in a safe, supported community.
While it’s clear that traditional role models have been damaging to women, it’s becoming clear that they’ve been equally damaging to men.
In the past it’s been rare for men to acknowledge depression or emotional pain, and rarer still for them to seek therapeutic help without the urging of their family.
Currently, the United States suicide rate is highest for men between the ages of 50 and 75, mainly because they’ve been conditioned to “hold it all in” and give the appearance of “having it all together.”
Happily though I’ve seen an increase in major breakthroughs for men in their 20s, 30s and 40s in my practice as more and more husbands and fathers are returning from deployment to Hampton Roads with various levels of PTSD.
Particularly poignant was the case of my client’s husband who had returned from Iraq to find that his 3 year old daughter, the apple of his eye, refused to touch him. She actually screamed when he tried to pick her up.
She also pretty much stopped eating and drinking, and forgot her potty training.
This devastated her father much more than any of the considerable challenges he’d faced during his 6 months in the Middle East.
He was so desperate to restore his relationship with his child, he was even willing to try “some New Age crap.”
His wife noted “I have a Master’s degree in psychology with advanced clinical certification in child development. None of that prepared me for this.”
Although I found your questions insightful, I still don’t know what you did. All I know for sure is that it worked. After the first session my daughter asked for and ate chicken nuggets for the first time in 6 weeks. And she went to her dad and cuddled him when he got home that night.”
The entire family came in for more sessions together before their next posting, and the dad thanked me in person, not just for his daughter’s sake, but for the release of the anxieties and obsessive memories that had haunted him from his time abroad.
My work with our military families is vastly rewarding. Their relationships deepen and grow richer and more fulfilling. Their emotional resilience improves, extreme acting out by kids decreases, and the PTSD symptoms often disappear completely.
This gives me great hope for the future of our communities as we welcome home more and more wounded warriors who have honorably served us in painful situations.
Many thanks to all persons who have sacrificed their own comfort for others and the freedom to be wholly human. May we provide for them a safe, supportive environment for their own wholeness and that of the families who welcome them home.
…America, America, God mend Thine every flaw
Confirm Thy soul in Self-control, thy Liberty in Law
Happy Independence Day. Holding the vision that you are always free to be true to yourself.
*Note: verbal permission was given to use this family’s story anonymously in articles and other writings to benefit others
P.S. If you or anyone you know is dealing with PTSD or any other painful chronic condition, please take advantage of my free mini-session “Releasing Negative Patterns” by clicking the Audio button at www.maiyaholivas.com
Uncle Pepito, Busch Gardens, Drumming as Meditation
This week I took my uncle to Busch Gardens for his 77th birthday (he was visiting from San Jose). He wouldn’t ride any rollercoasters, but he loved the “Viva Italia” and the “Irish Beat” shows plus the yumster ribs from Trappers Smokehouse.
It’s been a month of drumming to release stress:
*July 14th Health Fair, “Youth Drum Circle for Stress Release, Self-Awareness and Creativity” Princess Anne Plaza United Methodist Church
*July 18th “Drumming as a Channel for Spiritual Renewal and Unity” National Association of Filipino American United Methodists Bi-Annual Conference (250 attendees)
*August 13th – 17th, “International Rhythms for Leaderships, Teamwork and Personal Growth,” Park Place Child Life Center
*August 16th, 10 am to 11 am “Drumming to Relieve Biological Indicators of Stress” Virginia Beach Sentara General Hospital in conjunction with the Complementary and Alternative Medicine Committee
Upcoming Drumming Stuff:
*August 26th, “Spiritual Drumming” Princess Anne Plaza United Methodist Church Block Party
*September 27th, “Creating Community with Rhythm,” BNI Strategic Alliance Chapter Annual Party
*October 26th, Women as Peacebuilders Conference, “Empowering the Feminine through Rhythm,” the Leadership through Peacebuilding Institute at Atlantic University and the ARE
*January 3, 2008 National Association of Racially and Ethnically Diverse United Methodist Women Spiritual Leaders, Los Angeles, California (Topic TBA) <—-Oh, yeah, going national!
Last night I had my meditation class drum to induce new states of consciousness. None of them had really drummed b4–they did really well, especially the drumming and toning part (drumming 8 beats while toning “Ohm”).
