Client Question: Is It Wrong to Want Someone Out of My Life?

September 16, 2009 at 3:38 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

Is It Wrong to Want Someone Out of My Life?

One question that comes up frequently in sessions is “Am I a bad person for wanting so-and-so to just disappear from my life? They’re such a pain in the ***.”

Short answer: If you ask that they move to a better situation “for the highest good of all,” you’re actually a great person who’s helping them out! Long answer: People who are acting badly have unmet needs and bad communication skills. (In my opinion, almost every human being has an unmet need, AND those who also have good communication skills are finding ways to get those needs met in mutually fulfilling ways.

People who are acting badly would be well-served to improve their communication skills. I recommend The Five Love Languages  and Non-Violent Communication, both available from Amazon.

Some examples from my Case Studies:

1) My client’s supervisor was unhappy with several things in life including her long commute. Unhealthy drinking behaviors had been observed in social situations. Verbal digs, pitting colleagues against each other and “power plays” were common.

So I included in this session transformative work for the most loving, positive, mutually beneficial resolution for all concerned. Two weeks later my client phoned to say the supervisor had found a great new job 10 minutes from her house and was very excited about it! She’s put “a great, productive, mutually beneficial relationship with new supervisor” on the list for her next session.

2) In my life (I consider my own life one big Case Study and draw on it often in my work!) someone was supervising me, and, despite my doing well in my position, they were not enjoying my talents. (I used to have a pattern of attracting insecurity, resentment, jealousy and competition from certain senior colleagues.)

I also had difficulty appreciating them, as I experienced their communication style as disdainful and condescending. Plus, in my perception, there were other tensions in the organization which were amplified by changes in this leader’s personal life.

I did a lot of work around this, which in my case involved surrendering my feelings about them into the series of transformative drum circles I was doing for young people. At the end of a series of drum circles, my supervisor announced that they was retiring to sail around a tropical sea with their boat-loving partner.

Everyone was happier!

So, as long as you’re asking for the next best thing for all concerned, you’re actually doing people a favor by saying:

“I give thanks that you and I are in the right and perfect new situations for each of us.”

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